In grade 7 I joined an online community dedicated to yaoi - gay anime. Soon enough my mom found out, we had a talk, went to the mall afterwards and that was the end of that. However, I continued talking to other people like myself online and my mom would keep finding out to the point that she took internet access away from me.

At first I thought it was no big deal - she took me to the mall, she mustn't have cared that much, right? Then I realised that she thought it was a one-time thing, but as hard as I tried I simply couldn't find myself attracted to girls. I tried going to a psychiatrist (2, actually), but I soon found out there was no way I could change my identity, my sexual identity. My parents have always raised me in a secular household and looked upon religious Muslims with disgust (we're Iranian), yet after trying psychiatric services they said maybe I should go to a mosque sometime!

I declined the offer. My parents took it differently, but it ended up with both disapproving of my sexuality. My dad didn't talk to me for about 2 years, but eventually he got over it, called me and we're on very good terms. My mom and I are on very good terms with the condition that I don't bring up my sexuality or love life to her or the rest of the family. My dad never talked about this so I assume it's the same condition for him as well.

Since Iranians, and Central Asians overall, are generally disapproving of non-heterosexual relationships, I'm glad to see I'm raised in a culture where parents will stick by you no matter what. Too often have I seen people from other cultural backgrounds where the parents, for the most part, kick their children out of the house and never speak to them again, or do even worse things to them (i.e. physical abuse or death threats) for their sexuality. Sometimes things like this happen in Iranian culture but I believe that we are definitely more OK about this issue than many other cultures, and in Central Asian culture overall we both treat our parents with respect and our parents treat us with respect as well; it's very hard for our parents to kick us out of the family.

I'm out to my friends, and I find my Iranian friends to be supportive of me and my sexuality. What I found however, was that my Iranian friends all told me to not to tell many Iranians about my sexuality since they might disapprove, yet all of my friends approved of it at the same time! And when my parents found out, the first thing that worried them wasn't about me personally but what other families would think! I don't know much about Middle Eastern and North African society and their views on sexual "deviance", but I think that many Iranians don't realize that we actually are more supportive of queer people than we think, and we should raise awareness of this fact so that people such as myself are more comfortable with ourselves and we can proudly say that I am Iranian or Central Asian and queer.

I and one of my best girlfriends in Vancouver often talk about the homophobia that keeps the dark handsome Persian men in the closet. Cultural values run strong, even in the new country. You see this with all the new immigrant communities in Vancouver. Considering how many East Indians there are in Vancouver, and how few out gay Indians there are, you can definitely see how closeted that population is too.
So, most gay Iranians are deep in the closet, sadly...